The neighbor’s kid ran out of gas on a mild Winters’ day and you would of thought the Yellowstone Caldera (sorry, I’ve been reading a novel about it) was blowing it’s top. My neighbor, a capable man in his own right, had to take time out of his day to go and bail out a 17 year old who couldn’t remember to put gas in the car. I can’t for the life of me figure out why a son would call his Dad if he ran out of gas or why a Dad would run right out and take care of Momma’s little darling. I don’t want to come off like I never ran out of gas but I sure never would of called my Dad. First off getting to a Pay phone would have involved walking to a gas station and if I called the Old Man from a gas station I damn well better be half dead. It isn’t that my Dad didn’t love me, he was the first one to the hospital when my “hopped up” Mustang met a U-Haul truck, but he raised me to take care of my own problems. He was the backstop for the big stuff, bothering him with a gas gauge on E would have been a stain on my honor and black mark against me in the “Man Book”. When the time came to take care of a terminally ill wife there was no calling Dad, there wasn’t a need, I had become a man in my own right. I’m not sure you can learn those lessons from a Smart Phone and a call to Dad. I’m not sure who the joke is on, a generation that doesn’t have to take responsibility, or the generation who is going to need them to take care of them when they’re in their dottage. Either way do the world a favor and raise a capaable kid.
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I feel I am a capable and responsible adult. I have a plan, and have been taking steps steadily towards that plan of purchasing land and homesteading on it, yet, when I was a teen and ran out of gas I called my parents. Now perhaps you lived in a city and it was less of an issue, but when you are 15 miles from the nearest gas station, and it is dark, and curfew is coming up, I called. My parents didn’t see it as bailing me out, they saw it as a lesson learned. It was humiliating to have to admit that I hadn’t paid enough attention to my gauges. I was asked where I was, and told to hang tight. Oddly enough, it didn’t make me into a less capable adult, it taught me how to ask for help when I needed it, and furthered the trust and respect that I had for my parents. I know now, when I need them, they are there, but I don’t need them for most things now unless it is just knowledge I haven’t attained yet, and the funny thing is, most of the time I don’t need them because they were there when I was young and stupid and needed them. Teens don’t know it all and it is no wonder they get in to the trouble they get into these days when parents try constantly to wash their hands of them and make them responsible by tossing them into the middle of life without any guidance or support. It would be like tossing a handful of logs, a coil of rope, and a small basket of supplies into the middle of an ocean with a bone fide city slicker who’s idea of the wilderness was Central park and expecting them to be able to survive to make it to land or rescue. This is my Monday rant in response.
I appreciate your comments, April and I can see your point. I grew up when we didn’t have cell phones. When I left the house even as a teen I was responsible for myself. I see a generation coming up who have received hyper-parenting. They’ve participated in organized play and sports for so long, and have always had the ability to contact Mom and Dad, and I’m not sure it is the best thing.
Agreed! Before we were EVER allowed to take the car, we knew how to change a tire, check oil, check gas! It was our responsibility when we used the car! Fast forward some years… We started raising our nephew at his age of 12. Guess what he learned. He was out changing tires on our vehicles. Changing the oil with my husband. Got his first bow, his first gun, went to hunters safety. Helped with butchering pigs. He is an asset to our family and society. He is a thinker. He is a fixer. He is someone who can get it done. Thanks to our parents who pushed us to be doers, self-reliant, responsible. Lord willing we are passing this on to our nephew.
Great article and so true. I am still amazed at how many kids can’t look an adult in the eyes or even know how to give a proper hand shake.
If your kid is old enough and trusted to drive an automobile, then you have trusted your child with all that owning and driving a vehicle entails. Growing up I would have been too ashamed to have called my parents to come pick me up because I couldn’t look down at the gas gauge and see that it was time to fill up. I know for a fact that if my daughter were to ever call me and say I need a ride because I forgot to fill up mine, I would meet her at the nearest gas station with a gas can in hand, watch her fill it up and tell her to be on her way back to her responsibility (her car) and I will see you when you get home. Now, we live in a small town, where I wouldn’t worry about her safety through all of this. If we lived in a bigger town where safety would be an issue, we would follow through with a good teaching in some other way.
Mike, your post is spot on!
Not only is it a sign that kids are raised with the idea that their iphone will solve all their problems, it is also a good reminder to not overlook minor details. If this kid ran out of gas in the middle of a blizzard, calling daddy wouldn’t be much help.
I guess my point is that we are raising our kids to be helpless, while society further enables this coddling. Somehow we need to reinforce the idea that depending on others is a path to disaster.
Gosh, this post reminds me of when I ran out of gas. I didn’t even have the choice of calling my parents as they were an hour’s drive away from me. I had to walk to the exit and the gas station like a dummy!!!
My dad used to say to me, if you’re going to drive a car, you better know how to do some basic things even though I’m female which I thought was a great attitude on his part.
My Dad taught my sis and I all that, but when push came to shove, the teen car was Mom and Dad’s. We asked for the keys, justified the trip and since we also lived in an area where teen jobs were almost non-existent, Mom and Dad also paid for the gas. The gas gauge was not accurate, so I believe that each of us, including Dad, ran out of gas at least once in that car. 🙂 It was also pre-idiot buzzer, so I forgot to turn the lights off… alot!! I took to carrying the jumper cables with me. Dad never failed to rescue me if I called, but he sure made sure that I learned a lesson from it.
That sounds as if we weren’t taught life skills very well. Well, we were. When I was 19 and still living at home, going to a trade school, Dad went to Panama for 5 month and Mom followed after a month. She turned the entire household over to me. I paid the bills, deposited Dad’s paycheck (pre-direct deposit), shopped and cooked meals, ensured that my younger sister got to school and continued school myself. In short, everything that I would do as an adult living on my own. Mom even made sure that I had a credit card available in my name in case of emergencies. That’s alot of trust given to a teen. I lived up to the trust! Mom said that the ladies that she hung out with while Dad was at work there in Panama were amazed that Mom had turned the house over to me. But really, it was just the “final exam” of all that they had been teaching us since we were small. Then I joined the Army!
Thanks for your service! I’m glad you were prepared to shoulder the load when you had too.
Thank you for this great post. I have been learning and teaching practical living skills to my children and to other children and youth for 15 years. It is completely the way to go for so many reasons. One feels more confident and grounded. It is enjoyable and joyful. It is less expensive. It gives one opportunities to contribute. It is liberating on all levels including physical, emotion, social, spiritual, financial. You may feel both more independent and more inter-dependent. Besides physical skills such as fixing a car or growing and preserving food, I like to teach and model that facilitative leadership is a key skill because it is always welcome and needed. If you can help people enjoy working together and solving problems together and visioning together, you can be a catalyst for all good things. To me, this is part of rehumanizing. My main rehumanizing thang is offering Rites of Passage to girls via Journey of Young Women.